WHIMSEY

“There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less education

and more sense than we have.”

-

Don Herald

HISTORICAL NOTE: The places, events and people in this story are all real. Labeled the ‘Dinosaur Wars’ by the scientific community it began as a private feud between two protagonists Paleontologists Edward D. Cope and Othneil C. Marsh. Once friends, their desire to best each other turned into a bitter rivalry in a feud of legendary proportions. The stories surrounding these two include tales of armed field parties, spies, and intercepting shipments of fossils intended for the other.

Events escalated with the discovery of an area in Morrison, Colorado that was a ‘Jurassic Park’ producing some of the most spectacular dinosaur fossils ever discovered and the two men converged on it each determined to claim its treasures.

And each needed a guide…

MORRISON, COLORADO

Hannibal Heyes paused at the entrance of the saloon and sighed contentedly. One saloon, a general store and a handful of buildings that did include a hotel but did not include a sheriff’s office. His kind of town.

Oh perhaps its streets were pure mud and its citizens rarely sober, but it had a peaceful, stay awhile quality Heyes knew he was going to appreciate and he made a vow to make sure nothing occurred to change those plans.

He noted the wagons of equipment and boxes arriving outside the hotel and chalked them up to the rumor of some government survey work going on outside of town. Most of the people in Morrison were passing through on their way to the silver strike and he paused making a note to himself that there might be work for him and his partner there.

They weren’t broke, but they would need a stake to leave town and so far all the jobs being offered were to do with the mine either protecting it or working it and neither appealed to the two men on the run.

A drunken cowboy wandered out the saloon door with a ‘Yeehaw’ and an attempt to lasso the equally as drunken saloon girl ahead of him.

Melting down in front of Heyes he helped the boy to a bench were he fell over leaving Heyes holding the lasso and the saloon girl winking at him from the middle of the street.

Grinning he suddenly turned back to the saloon door as a sound he knew too well gripped his heart. Silence. Silence and scraping chairs.

Quietly he eased into the room to find the poker game he had been about to join in disarray as three men stood facing down his partner still sitting.

He recognized the lead man immediately. Bill Crighton, head of a small gang of outlaws who were known to be as vicious as they were stupid.

Crighton also had a reputation with a gun.

Heyes looked down at the rope still in his hands.

His partner was the best, but three to one was just plain wrong.

An quietly he moved over to the stairs eyeing the tall thick beams running across the room as he did.

***************************

“I told you I wasn’t cheatin’,” Kid said quietly unhooking his gun as he stood. He really didn’t want to draw. He knew Crighton had a reputation as fast and that meant he was probably going to have to fire and then somebody was going to get hurt. And Heyes so had his heart set in staying put for a few more days.

“Liar, back it up with your gun not your mouth,” Crighton said.

Suddenly there was a cry behind him and from the corner of the eye he watched as the man on his right was hoisted up in the air with a shout of fear.

Coming to his rescue the other man flanking Crighton only succeeded in getting kicked in the head as he tried to help his friend who was now swinging like a lonely piñata, the rope firmly around his arms and shoulders.

“There that’s better,” Heyes smiled tying the rope down around the banister and walking over to stand next to his partner. “I figured you wouldn’t want people saying you ganged up on a man cause you were afraid you couldn’t take him alone and I want you to know I’m gonna make sure the preacher mentions that during your eulogy,” Heyes smiled.

“What the…” Crighton swallowed. Kid had not even glanced over towards Heyes, but the way the two just seemed to move together like thunder following lightning had unnerved him.

“See he hates it when people interrupt a good game of poker,” Heyes went on. “I’d try and reason with him, but you don’t know how he gets.”

“Reckon maybe I was mistaken,” Crighton finally said under his breath.

The room visibly relaxed.

“Apology accepted,” Kid said quietly and turned to greet his partner.

Heyes saw the man go for his gun and went to yell, but Kid’s gun silenced his cry and Crighton fell clutching his hand.

Heyes walked over and put his foot on the man’s hand as he clawed to reach his gun. “Friend whether you know it or not you just won this hand, leave it.”

Crighton whimpered a nod, but his eyes blazed with hatred as he followed the two men out the room.

*********************************

“I don’t know Heyes the last scientific expedition you went on almost got you killed and netted us exactly zero pay,” Kid said cynically from where he was finishing his breakfast.

“Yea, but that was archee-ology expedition, this is a…” he studied the word. “Pale-tology expedition.”

“Which is?” Kid grinned at him knowing he didn’t know.

Heyes scowled, he never liked not knowing something. “A job, the only jobs open that don’t involve getting killed or breaking our backs.”

“How do you know they don’t?” Kid said sitting back and sipping his coffee. “From what I’ve seen this science stuff is dangerous business.”

“Look they just want guides,” Heyes said looking around the sleepy café, the only one in the small town. “And they probably aren’t going to get a lot of takers with the silver strike on. Besides were broke.”

Kid sighed bowing to his partner’s practical assessment of their situation. “All right, but if they’re looking for tall dead red headed Indians we leave.”

Heyes grinned, “Nah that was crazy and what could be crazier than that?”

*************************

“Dinosaurs?” Heyes said looking at the little sandy haired man seated at the table keeping track of everything in a proper logbook.

“You do know what they are?” the man said in a nasally condescending voice.

Heyes gave him a smirk back; “Yea we know what they are.”

“And we can save you the trouble of looking,” Kid said barely keeping a straight face. “There aren’t any around here.”

“I am well aware of that my good man,” the man said with a sniff tinged with a Boston accent. “We are looking for their bones.”

“Oh DEAD ones,” Kid said nodding as if this made a difference and turned and looked at Heyes. “You think they had red hair?’

Heyes fought back a laugh with all his self-control and turned back to the man with the straightest face he could manage. In a world where a man had to fight to survive and children could starve due to a storm or crop failure or a hundred other calamities the idea of men spending time and good money to collect bones took a moment to comprehend.

“Why?” Heyes said willing to listen.

“Because we are attempting to prove the evolution of the species,” said a deep Boston accent and they turned to face a tall slightly balding bearded man of perhaps 50 years. “I am Professor Othniel Marsh, Yale University, who are you?”

“Joshua Smith, Thaddeus Jones,” Heyes said clearly amused now.

“Evolution of the species?” Kid said mulling this over. “That what that Darwin fella was on about in the paper?”

The man raised a bushy eyebrow surprised, he had clearly written Kid off as an intellectual inferior. “You have heard of Darwin?”

“Read some of what he said, my grandpa went on about some too when it first came out,” Kid said not shifting under his gaze. “Man’s ain’t too bright if it’s just now occurring to him that things change over time.”

Heyes had to put a hand up to his mouth now to keep the laughter from escaping.

“My dear cretin, Darwin is a genius, his work will show that we are in fact descendents from lesser life forms, as some people more clearly portray than others.”

But Kid wouldn’t be baited even as Heyes lost his amusement and straightened.

“What kind of ‘lesser life forms’?” Kid said calmly.

“Well there is a theory we evolved from apes.”

“Monkeys and people,” Kid said face unreadable.

“I’m saying over time we evolved from monkeys, yes.”

“And what the Bible says? “ Kid said stubbornly and Heyes wasn’t sure if it was the idea of the man disagreeing with God or the suggestion Kid came from a monkey that was annoying his partner more. “What about Adam and Eve?”

“Religious fairy tales. There is no God, life evolved on its own.”

Kid frowned, “Let me make sure I’m clear on this, nobody created nothing, just one day, suddenly life just showed up?”

“The universe came into existence with an explosion and a spark from that caused life to begin.”

Kid nodded, “So where did the explosion come from?”

The man stared at him.

“I mean if nothing is out there, who made the explosion?”

“This is obviously far beyond your mental abilities to grasp,” the man said annoyed.

“I’m just saying a man thinks he comes from nothing, must mean he is nothing…” Kid dug in.

Heyes couldn’t help it he had to turn and shaking with laughter tried to catch his breath.

“Are these two applying for the guide job?” the man said ignoring Kid and speaking to the clerk.

“Yes sir we are,” Heyes said turning back somewhat more composed, “Joshua Smith and this is my partner Thaddeus Jones.”

“Are you a guide? Can you track?”

“Cham-peen tracker of all Southern Utah,” Heyes said proudly.

“All right Smith your hired,” Marsh said and turned to leave. “We leave tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. come with me we have some details to work out.”

Heyes turned and looked at Kid, “Uh Mr. Marsh my partner is real handy to have around…”

“Your partner is annoying and lacking in any social graces.”

“What you mean is he won’t let you…” Heyes said angry now.

“Joshua its all right, not a problem,” Kid said his eyes unreadable. “Professor is right I would be out of depth in such high educated circles.”

“One minute,” Heyes told the man and pulled his partner aside. “I thought we agreed not to separate on this one?”

“Yea and we also agreed to eat and he isn’t gonna take you if I go. My fault I annoyed him.”

“Annoyed him? Man who can’t take anyone disagreeing with him deserves to be annoyed every now and then and besides you made sense.”

“I know that’s what annoyed him,” Kid grinned.

Suddenly they both turned as the door burst open and a man in his early forties with dark hair and a mutton chop mustache stormed over to Marsh.

“Marsh you are despicable! You stole my ad!”

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” Marsh said smugly.

“I put in the paper I needed a guide and you went and changed my ad to here and hour early!”

“My dear Cope you are delusional as always.”

“You sir are not a gentleman.”

“And you sir are not a scientist. It is my duty to protect these fragile fossils from oafs such as yourself clumsily attempting to retrieve them.”

“Uh excuse me you looking for a guide?” Kid said stepping forward. “Professor here just hired my partner, but I’m available.”

The man looked at Kid and seemed a little startled by his appearance, “Well you do look…capable,” he said hesitantly.

“Best tracker you can buy,” Heyes vouched for his partner.

Marsh sputtered, “I thought you were the best tracker I could buy!”

“Next to him I am,” Heyes said politely.

Marsh looked capable of popping a blood vessel, but finally turned, “Come along Smith!” and stomped out.

“See you later,” Heyes smiled cheerfully.

“Just don’t bring up explosions,” Kid called after him innocently.

“Why didn’t Marsh take you as well?” Cope said eyeing Kid.

“Seems I annoyed the man,” Kid admitted honestly.

The man instantly flashed a smile, “Edward Cope, sir, you’re hired, when can you start?”

*****************************

“See them?” Kid asked quietly as he tied down the back of wagon two days later.

“Yep, haven’t left the saloon. six of them,” Heyes said taking the other end and helping him finishing tying the tarp down. “Seems the Crighton Gang just can’t get enough of this place.”

“Now what do you suppose they are doing in a backwater like this with all that silver waiting over the next hill?” Kid said.

“I don’t know, but I intend to keep an eye on them…” Heyes suddenly whirled with a wince as a cane slapped him on the forearm. “Hey what was that for!” he said rubbing his arm angrily to face Cope.

“What is he doing here? Spying for Marsh no doubt!” Cope cried almost hysterical.

“Mr. Cope,” Kid said with frayed patience. “I have told you Joshua is my cousin. Now I know I work for you, but I’m not going to give any secrets away and he isn’t here to steal any. He was simply giving me a hand tying down the wagon.”

“Hmmph!” Cope said. “Well be off with you!”

“What is all this fuss about Cope? Worried all ready?” Marsh snorted. “I think you better just pack it in now. Smith I meant to ask you any good with that gun? I want to make sure we can keep any marauders at bay.”

“I can hold my own,” Heyes said with a sigh.

“Mr. Jones is better,” Cope said sounding ten years old.

“Liar you’ve never seen the man shoot!” Marsh said angry.

“I can tell.”

“Well then we’ll settle this right here and now, Smith, shoot something.”

“Jones shoot it before he does,” Cope ordered.

The two cousins looked at each other with long suffering sighs.

“What do you want us to shoot?” Heyes said shaking his head as he unhooked his gun. This kind of competition had been going on for a day now and it was getting weary. Heyes would almost be glad when they were out of sight of each other.

“That weather vane on the livery stable,” Marsh said.

“First one to draw and hit it wins!” Cope said smugly.

“This is getting a bit tiresome,” Kid said under his breath.

“Fire!”

Heyes gun cleared his holster and the bullet sent the weather vane twirling.

Kid looked down at his gun in his holster and gave Cope a shrug, “Sorry Mr. Cope guess my cousin’s faster,” and added in a low cold voice, “Despite you whacking him with that cane.”

Muttering to himself the Paleontologist stomped away.

Heyes swallowed a smile and walked over.

“Getting a bit slow there partner.”

“He ain’t paying me to be a gunfighter, he’s paying me to be a scout.”

“Ah huh,” Heyes grinned his appreciation of Kid’s annoyance. “Buy you a drink before we head out? I mean it ain’t every day man outdraws the fastest gun in the west.”

Kid managed a small smile some of his anger draining away as only Heyes could do.

“Heyes you can have the title any day you want,” Kid said. “Besides best I don’t pull my gun around either one of them two or I’m liable to send them to join their dinosaurs.”

**********************************

“So what did you find out?” Bill Crighton asked studying the glass of whiskey in his hand as he leaned his chair back against the wall.

The younger man slid into a seat at the back saloon table and scraped it forward.

“Here tell those bones are priceless!” the man whispered wide-eyed. “United States Government giving that fella Marsh money to find them!”

“Priceless huh? How many men he got with him?”

“Six, 4 workers, some little clerk fella and a guide. Workers don’t seem a problem, but I don’t like the look of that guide.”

“Yea I got a good look at him myself,” He said swigging back the whiskey. “Intend to take care of him when we rob them fellas.”

*********************************

Heyes leaned back against the rock and crossed his legs wearily. It had been a long two weeks and all ready he was regretting letting Kid convince him that splitting up was the right idea. Not that the job was particularly daunting physically and he had no problem locating the type of rock and terrain the scientist wanted. It was just that the man’s pompous, condescending attitude was wearing thin and for some reason he had taken a shine to Heyes and insisted on talking to him every chance he got.

“Ah there you are Smith, good days work,” Marsh said coming over and to his Heyes’s grimace, taking a seat near him. Marsh traveled in the best comfortable style and Heyes had hoped he would retire to the large comfortable tent erected for him.

“Professor,” Heyes said.

“I’m impressed with your work Smith, I could use a man like you,” Marsh said and waited for him to overwhelmed with gratitude.

“Thank you sir, but I rather enjoy moving around.”

“And so you would with me.”

“And besides my cousin and I travel together.”

“Hmmmph, tell me Smith have you ever heard of natural selection? Survival of the fittest?”

“Yea, that Darwin fella termed it I think.”

“Do you believe in Mr. Darwin’s theory of evolution?”

“Not sure sir.”

“Ah an open mind I like that. Too many men blinded by religious doctrination like your cousin.”

“Like I said Mr. Marsh not quite sure what I believe yet, but I do take into account what other men do when I decide on things. Now lets say I know you believe in this Evolution theory, my cousin and my Grandfather well, my grandfather argued with God till the day he died. Him and God used to drink whiskey together and my grandfather would explain things to Him. My cousin is a lot like my grandfather. So if there ain’t no way to prove either theory and I just gotta go on what people I know believe you aren’t doing too well in the argument.”

The man brushed the thought away with his hand, “That is just family loyalty. Simple men have simple ideas. You are a man of intelligence; all you require is an education. Your cousin is dragging you down. You should be among people of your equal.

“Mr. Marsh,” Heyes said slowly rising to his feet. “I know I don’t ride with a man equal to me. But I’m hoping if I hang around him long enough he’ll rub off on me till I do. Good night.” Tossing the rest of his coffee in the fire he walked away. “Now if you’ll excuse me I need to make my rounds.”

Angrier than he liked to admit Heyes moved around the large work site ringed by layered hills with grim determination. Despite the dig being a treacherous place in the dark he moved sure of foot knowing just where to side step open holes and pits.

They had collected several more boxes of fossils to add to Marsh’s collection stored in town from another dig and Heyes was considering taking what pay he had earned and moving on.

A soft whisper of a voice in the darkness made him freeze. Listening he heard the sound of a crate being forced open and cautiously he removed his gun and began to circle around behind the sound.

“Here what is the meaning of this!” Marsh suddenly blustered past him clearly having come in search of him and heard the same sound.

Instantly six guns clicked back and Heyes silently cursed the man.

“Don’t move mister!” a voice told Marsh and Heyes recognized Crighton.

“Mr. Smith do something!” Marsh said looking directly at where Heyes had managed to slip hidden.

“There’s another one! Drop it mister!”

“Survival of the fittest,” Heyes sighed standing slowly and dropping his gun. “Might have more to do with who you get forced to be around.”

**************************

“But surely if your mother wished for you to go to college,” Cope argued across the fire at Kid who smiled patiently as if the man were a small child. “At least your partner then, if he’s as clever as you say he is.”

“Heyes is the smartest man you’ll ever meet.”

“But he never went on to University!” the man blustered.

“No your confusing education with learning, from what I’ve seen the two don’t always go together. Heyes he’s always learning. Why the minute he stumbles on something he don’t understand he worries it to death till he does. Man can’t stand a puzzle.”

“Then think what he could become with a proper education?”

“I don’t think all education comes from books in a room. Not everyone learns the same way. And yea I bet Heyes would do real fine at one of your fancy schools, but I also bet you Professors would learn just as much from him.”

“And what about you? Don’t you strive to better yourself?”

“Yup, guess I do believe in that evolution of yours in a way. Trying to evolve into something better, make up for past mistakes.”

“That’s not the kind of evolution Darwin meant.”

“Seems to me that kind is the only way civilization survives. You talk about this survival of the fittest. Don’t think I’d like living in a world where the fittest don’t offer a hand to those a little less better off.”

“COPE!”

The two men turned as Marsh, and his men rode into the clearing minus Heyes.

“You will not get away with this!” Marsh said shaking his fist under the man’s nose.

“What are you talking about you mad man!” Cope yelled back.

“Those hooligans you sent to rob my site! I want my fossils returned immediately.”

“What hooligans, where’s Smith?” Kid said instantly worried.

“They are holding him. Sent us off to get the ransom for my fossils! Now listen Cope…”

The man never finished as Kid instantly had him slammed up against a tree.

“Now you listen,” the ex-outlaw said with a deadly calm. “Slowly and with details, who took him and where?”

“I don’t know, those men, they were in town, they stole my fossils!”

“Why did they take my partner?”

“I don’t know, something about something that happened in town, wanting to get even.”

Kid let the man drop and began checking his gun as he walked to the horses.

“At your camp you say?”

“Yes, you’re going to get my fossils back?” Marsh said eagerly.

“He works for me Marsh, if he gets them back they are mine!” Cope said greedily.

Kid spared them one backward glance and then deciding he didn’t have the time to waste took Marsh’s horse and swinging up took off.

“Wait I’m coming with you!” Marsh said grabbing the reins of a horse. “You Juan,” he yelled at one of the workers. “Are you armed? Come with me then.”

“Not without me you aren’t!” Cope said grabbing a horse of his own. “We’ll see who gets those fossils!”

***********************************

Come on Heyes think, the ex-outlaw leader ordered himself as he was shoved along the rocky path to the waiting horse.

It was just after sunrise and the men had felt cocky enough to stop and have breakfast and ‘a little fun’ as the leader Crighton had deemed it.

“You like hanging folks so much Smith we gonna let you have the pleasure yourself!” Crighton laughed. “Get him on his horse.” And picking up a rope he swung it easily over the branch of the tree above Heyes.

Heyes sighed, he had hoped to die for something more than bones when his time finally came, but for once his silver tongue seemed at a loss to help him.

Pulled on the horse, his hands tied behind him, Crighton ordered one of his men to place the hastily tied noose around his neck.

“Yea I reckon this is a fine start to a new day!” the man guffawed and raised his gun to fire.

**************************

“Oh dear that doesn’t look good,” Cope said as the four men watched from behind the crates a few yards away as Heyes was forced to mount.

“Juan I need you to wait until I get my partner down before you start firing,” Kid told the young worker who nodded. He turned and gave the two older men a shake of his head. “You two wait here and don’t do anything!” Kid said pulling out his gun and climbing on his horse.

“My dear sir how do you intend to save him, the minute you start firing the horse will spook. You will never reach your friend in time to cut him down,” Marsh said haughtily.

“Don’t intend too, gonna shoot that rope through on the branch before the horse moves.”

The men stared at him.

“Impossible,” Cope breathed. “You would have to be as fast as lightning.”

“Just need two seconds. Horse will startle on the shot, but it will take him two seconds to digest what’s happening and move. Plenty of time to get three shots off and slice that rope.”

He looked down and saw the rope put around Heyes’s neck.

“But surely you don’t think you can do that why you are moving…:” Marsh said but he never finished Kid had kicked his horse into a run.

Later both men would tell the story at dinner parties with equal zeal. Riding at back breaking speed Kid fired three shots that sounded like one they were so close. The first two easily sliced through the rope, the third taking the gun out of the hand of Crighton who howled in pain and dived for cover.

Heyes’s horse reared sending him down just as the knife Kid pulled from his boot slashed through the air into the tree next to him.

Pulling up in front of him, Kid jumped down and began firing as he used his horse to block his cousin from fire. Heyes quickly took the opportunity to use the knife to cut his hands free and leapt behind the tree.

Kid meanwhile had gotten his last three shots off and taken two men down as he did. Scooping up Crighton’s gun he tossed it to Heyes who along with Juan now covered him as he swung back up on his horse and back-tracked to get his partner.

Kid had just reached his partner and was pulling him aboard when the bullet creased the side of his head and Kid slumped forward a dead weight.

Instantly Heyes pulled Kid to him and kicking the horse rushed it clear of the tree and with a leap sent it over the crates where the others waiting.

Sliding off the horse pulling his unconscious partner with him Heyes laid Kid gently down where Cope leaned over to try and help.

“Reload this!” Heyes ordered Marsh giving him Crighton’s gun and returning fire with Kid’s gun as the outlaw gang attempted to close on them.

“How is he?” Heyes asked his voice emotionless as he reloaded the gun and Juan took up firing.

“I don’t think he’s breathing,” Cope said clearly too frightened to be of any use. “How are you going to get us out of this?”

Heyes turned with eyes ablaze.

“Mister you better pray to God he’s all right because when I’m done with them I’m coming back for you,” and turning he told Juan as he handed him Crighton’s gun. “Cover me.”

“What are you going to do?” Cope gasped.

“Show them around the dig.”

And with that Heyes slipped off.

********************************

Kid rolled over and winced.

“Steady man you’ve been shot!” Marsh said amazed.

“Where’s Heyes?” Kid said struggling to sit up.

“Your friend? He’s attempting to lead the men into a trap, we must escape while we have the chance!” Cope said.

“Where’s a gun?”

“Mr. Jones you are hurt…”

‘GIVE ME A GUN!”

**************************

Just like back home, playing hide and seek in the corn fields, Heyes told himself skipping over the rocks and dirt piles. Just had to get them in the right position…

Crighton’s men had followed eager to stop him and he had heard at least one scream as the ground dropped out beneath him. The entire landscape was a treacherous series of underground tunnels and sinking sand near barely filled in holes. All it took was the wrong step.

Another scream. Counting the two Kid had hit that left two more Heyes counted and moved into position.

“Hold it right there Smith,” Crighton said coming out from behind a slope gun drawn. “I should of killed you the minute I saw you again, but I guess I’ll just have to do now.”

Heyes willed the man to take a step looking down at his feet and up again at his face worried.

Crighton looked down at the ground before him, the sand covering the tarp beginning to blow away.

“Cute Smith, but I ain’t that stupid,” Crighton laughed said taking a step to the left and clicking back the gun.

He never got chance to fire as ground disappeared out from under him.

Heyes walked up and picked up the small piece of tarp he had planted on the solid ground next to the real hole.

“Yea you are…” he said softly.

He turned as a shot rang out and whirled to see a body fall from the hillside behind him and the last of Crighton’s men tumble down silenced.

“Kid…” he breathed the word even before he saw his partner stumbling over to him blood trickling down his face, but very much alive.

“See you haven’t forgotten that old bait and switch trick Grandpa taught us,” K