WAITING
AS
LONG AS YOU KEEP GETTING BORN,
IT’S
OKAY TO DIE SOMETIMES.
-
Orson Scott Card
“How did it happen?”
Hannibal Heyes threw down his hat and considered the
question. Frowning he
dropped into the chair and ran a hand through his
thick dark hair absently.
“You sure you wanna hear this?”
He acknowledged the nod yes with
one of his own and leaned back crossing his leg over his knee amused.
“Not that hard to understand
really, you ever been seventeen? You
know everything, least wise I thought I did.
The truth is it was really a mixture of chance, bad timing and
desperation. Looking back I guess we
might have avoided it, but I’m not so sure that would have been for the
best. We’d had to depend on each other
so long we needed a chance to find out if we were partners because of necessity
or because we wanted to be.
I guess it all finally came to a
head in Utah, Promontory, Utah, I can even tell you the date, cause its famous
now, May 10, 1869. We had been working
our way west, cattle drives, odd jobs ever since we left the home. Looking back I can’t believe we just struck
out that young. I was 15 by a day and
Jed was only 13 a month later, it a wonder we even lived to see our next
birthdays.
But we were free, however green
and I guess we had a sort of natural dumb luck that kept us from slipping too
far into trouble. And it held, until
that May.
Utah had been my idea. We had laid some track before deciding
anything was better than working the rail gang and I had heard the two lines
were gonna meet up in Utah and I wanted to see it.
Kid wasn’t as enthusiastic about
witnessing such a historic moment, in fact to be honest he looked at me like
was plain crazy until I mentioned the President would be there and there’d be
parties and free liquor, tables of food and more women than you could hold on
to. He came around real quick after
that.
I have never quite understood
what God was thinking when he made Utah.
You ever been there? Parts just
about steal your breath away, the rest looks like he was laying ground for the
devil’s burial plot.
Promontory was Mardi Gras, 4th of July and
Election all day rolled into one. We
barely had got off our horses when someone handed me a drink and Kid was in a
woman’s arms getting himself kissed soundly.
She wasn’t pretty, but Kid didn’t seem to mind. I decided then and there I was gonna enjoy
the joining of the railroads.
People ask us if it was our
hatred of the railroads that made us start robbing them, but the truth is we
didn’t have a real grudge against them.
I think Kid paid more attention to the stories people told us about
their land being taken or how they were run off and lost everything. It wasn’t until later that I learned more
about just what they did. I was already
robbing them by then, just made me enjoy it more I guess.”
He smiled wicked, “Nobody seemed
to be anti-railroad that day though and we both were feeling mighty fine as we
found a place on a roof to watch the momentous joining. Of course as much liquor as we had in us
roof wasn’t the smartest place to be sitting.
Just goes to show you how stupid we were and how close we came at times
to just getting ourselves killed by pure foolhardiness.
I have gotten drunk more than a
few times in my life and have steadily learned no good ever comes of it. My problem is I never have the sense to pass
out, Kid does, but not me. I stay
conscious and just get into trouble. In
fact most of the really bad moments in my life can be linked to being so dark
drunk I couldn’t think straight or when I was sobering up the next morning and
mean and hurting.
This was gonna be one of those
time.”
****************************
“So Heyes told you it started in
Promentory did he?” Kid Curry said nodding as he took a seat. He was a little wary, but like Heyes more
amused to be asked and curious as to what his partner had said. “Yea that sounds about right. I think it was building up before then, we
were just too busy trying to scrape together enough for our next meal we didn’t
have time to recognize it.
I guess I would have been 15 by
a couple of months. Looking back if I
met me now I would have probably ended up flattening me within a space of
minutes. I was cocky, arrogant and
proud. If Heyes thought he knew
everything, I thought I could do anything.
I also took offense to any slight directed even near my direction and
when you were as good with a gun as I was that was a dangerous combination. Heyes is right, I’m not sure how we managed
to keep from getting ourselves killed up to that point because I know I sure
asked for it enough times.
That we were beginning to play
on each other’s nerves is true. I had
decided I was a man, despite any other evidence to the contrary and Heyes still
felt obligated to look after me, which chafed something fierce.
I realize now he was doing his
best and why he just didn’t out and shoot me a couple of times I don’t rightly
know, I was annoying enough. He could
have cut bait and left a whole lot of times, but he stuck with it
doggedly. I guess that’s what was
pushing at me, him being obligated to look after me. I didn’t think I needed it and I felt uncomfortable with how much
I did owe him that I couldn’t pay back. I felt like a burden to him and it
gnawed at my pride. Couple that with a
wild spirit and we were bound to come to the parting of the ways.
****************************
“He said that?” Heyes let a small smile play for a moment at
the corner of his mouth. “ Hmmm, I
guess in a way I did feel responsible, but Jed was never a burden. I might have moved faster, been freer
without him to watch for, but I doubt I would have come to a better end.
Because whatever he thinks he
owed me for being older and taking the lead he more than paid back in being there
for me. “
He paused not sure he wanted to
explain this and blew out a breath and studied the ceiling. Finally he continued, but his eyes never
left his hands.
“When our folks died I tried to
close in. I remember kneeling on the
ground patting down the last of the dirt, must have done it for half an hour,
just wasn’t quite perfect. Had to be perfect, couldn’t leave till it was. Sun began to go down and Jed finally came up
and touched my shoulder.
“Han it’s done.”
“No, not yet.”
“Han come on you can’t do no
more.”
“I say it isn’t!”
and I stood up and hit him so hard I thought sure I had broke his jaw.
Jed fell back hard, but he didn’t say a word, didn’t
even cry. He just wiped the blood from
his lip and looked at it and then me.
I thought for sure he would hit me, to be honest I
wish he had, but he didn’t, he just got up, wiped off his hands and then he did
the darndest thing, he slipped his hand in mine. Just like we had done when we was small.
“Come on Han I’m hungry.”
That’s all he said and I let him pull me away
He wasn’t though, didn’t eat for two days until I
threatened to flatten him and then he said would only if I did. It was things like that. That’s how he looked after me, by making me
look after him. Every time I tried to
close in, he kept me practical and in the here and now. He refused to let me die with my
parents. I think he gave up a lot of
his own grieving to do it too.
There’s a lot of talk about how I looked after him,
but no one knows how many times I struck back at him angrily as he tried to
prod me into staying the course. My
tongue isn’t just silver, its flat out vicious when I want to be let be and I
would say things that would really cut at him to push him away, but he never
believed them, just believed in me.
He was like that from the very start. That first night after, well after? Before anyone found us? We slept out down by the creek. We had no idea if they were going to be back
for us or if anyone else was left alive in the world. I was dead tired and I ached from not crying and my hands were
blistered from digging and I was so scared I could hardly breathe. And Jed he took the rifle we had found and
he told me he would take first watch. I
should never have been able to sleep, but something about the way he said it,
something in those eyes of his made me realize I was safe with him there
watching. He let me sleep the whole
night and when I woke up he was sitting there, still awake, watching.
No it was no one person’s fault. We needed a chance to remember how important
a partner is.”
***********************
Kid took a sip of water as he
thought about what I had told him and finally nodded.
“He isn’t as annoying as he
likes to think he is, it wasn’t that bad, he just thinks too much sometimes!” He laughed embarressed. “I didn’t do no more for him than he did for
me. We just looked after each other,
always had, guess we always will.
That day? The day our folks got killed? I was useless,
Heyes did everything, wouldn’t let me near the house. I remember it was hot and the flies were just buzzing over all
the blood in the yard where my Pa had been killed. Heyes found me under a wagon just curled up terrified and he just
took over. Told me to stay put.
I remember sitting there and
thinking I was thirsty and feeling really bad that I was thirsty when my family
had just died and that if I was a good son I wouldn’t have even noticed things
like that.
I finally got the courage to
crawl out and help Heyes dig the graves.
The ground was hard and I felt like I was getting nowhere and my head
hurt so bad cause I had been
crying. I guess I must have
looked like I was gonna pass out cause suddenly Heyes had me sitting in the
shade and was making me drink some water.
I think that is the clearest
memory I have of that day. The way the
warm water tasted, the two of us just sitting there in the shade of house, the
bodies wrapped up in blankets next to the half dug holes. I remember my Pa’s hand stuck out some and I
could see it and I remember thinking it looks like it always did, maybe he
isn’t dead, maybe Heyes is just joking.
And I started to scream and cry
and I hit Heyes full in the chest and jumped on him yelling he was just
tricking me.
And he didn’t do nothing, he
just let me hit him and then I knew it was real and I started to sob all over
again.”
He looked up and rubbed
something from his eyes. “Funny what
you remember.”
*************************
Heyes frowned, “Yea funny. He was just a little kid, he didn’t mean it,
I’m surprised he remembers it.” He
coughed and let out a long breath, “But were getting sidetracked, you wanted to
know about the day we split up…”
********************
“The day they drove the spike in
joining them railroads is still pretty much a blur to me. It had been hot as blue blazes and we had
been out in the sun all day drinking beer and when Heyes pulled me into a
saloon to find a poker game I gotta admit the room was spinning.
Poker was one of our main
sources of income thanks to Heyes. He
wasn’t as experienced yet as he would be, but he had the gift and a way of
sizing up a man so it was almost like he knew what he was thinking. Which I might add, more than a few people
took offense too and suspected otherwise due to his age.
It’s funny I never ever thought
of Heyes as young. I saw a 12 year old
boy the other day and thought, were we ever that young? Han’s mom used to say he was born old and
she’d laugh and ruffle his hair to embarrass him into being a boy again, but
she was right. Grandma said he had an
‘old soul’, I’m still not sure what that means, but if it means he was smarter
then most men, then she was right on it.
I think that’s why Plummer took
to him right off. He was in the game
with Heyes and Heyes was in his element.
He had an audience and luck was
with him. I had sat out the game
figuring not being able to focus might be bad for cards, but even I picked up
on Plummer’s interest.
To be honest I didn’t pick up on
him being trouble even after I sobered up.
When I heard later he had run off with the haul I realized I should have
seen through him, but we were so young and he talked mighty sweet.
We eventually ended up back at
his ‘suite’ at the hotel where a grand party was going on. There was food and women and whiskey
flowing, but I passed out ten minutes into it.
Heyes and Plummer they sat out on the balcony and talked way into the
night. It was the next morning I found
out I was going to rob a stagecoach.”
******************
Heyes wrinkled his nose and
finally grinned sheepishly, “No, he’s right that is about how it happened. He’s also right that neither of us picked up
on what kind of villain Plummer was. He
ran with a hard group and it impressed me no end. He was smooth, in charge and had money to burn. I’m afraid to say that after too many cold,
hungry nights this was a role model I could look up to.
It’s funny I didn’t even flinch
when he finally told me what he did for a living, in fact, I confess I was
impressed. Looking back I wish I could
say it was the drink that made it so easy to turn to crime or some dire
situation, but it was nothing like that.
I just felt used up and I wanted my share of what every else seemed to
have. Plummer offered me that, now all
I had to do was convince Jed what good deal it was. Yea I knew I would have to convince him. Maybe I was relieved at a chance to finally
score big for us and take some of the weight off day to day surviving. It was a selfish choice, but I told myself
it was the best thing for us, give us a stake, a future. I believed me, Jed didn’t. ”
****************************
“It was Heyes’s plan to take the
stage, I knew it as soon as I heard it.
This was before people took to robbing trains and the stage carried most
of the payrolls. No one had dared hit
the Northwest Line out of Denver and the plan to do it was imaginative, insane
and pure brilliance. That’s why Plummer
wanted him. He knew Heyes could score
him the big one.
I remember reading about it in the paper and noting
they gave Plummer credit, but it was Heyes, only Heyes who could have come up
with it. And strange as it sounds, even
though we had gone our separate ways and that job had been the cause of us
splitting up, I was proud of him.
Course I’d sooner died than tell him that.”
*********************
“Proud of me?” Heyes rolled his eyes, but he looked
pleased. “Yea Plummer took me for a
ride, but it took three jobs and him taking off before I caught on, by then the
damage was done.
I went back to look for Jed that
late August, right after it fell through and me and the gang were left high and
dry, but there was no sign of him, he’d moved on. I remember standing in the livery staring at my horse not wanting
to get on, cause I had no where to go.
I think that was one of the loneliest moments in my life.”
***********************
“Late August?” Kid said
incredulously. “I must have just missed
him. I took a job at the saloon and
stuck with it until mid August hoping he’d come back. I finally got forced into a gunfight and had to move on. Late August, I can’t believe I just missed
him.”
********************************
“The fight?” Heyes studied the question poker faced. “There wasn’t one. That was what made it so empty.
If we had hit each other or yelled or argued the night away it would
have been all right, but I just told him I was going, what I was doing and he
said he’d rather not and then I said, guess this is good bye and he agreed.
I must have been out of my mind,
maybe part of me didn’t want him getting mixed up something that could get him
killed, maybe I wanted to come back with a bag full of money and be the hero, I
don’t know. I just know when I count
the times in my life I was the stupidest, that ranks number one.”
***********************
Kid whistled softly, “We were
both so stubborn. Heyes, ‘I’m going to
rob a stagecoach’. Me, ‘I don’t want to, bye.’
I should have taken off and slugged him into some sense, but I guess in
a way I was relieved. He was doing something
he wanted to do and not considering me, it was like I was freed in a way. Felt good for about 20 minutes and then I
saw him ride out of town and felt so sick to my stomach that I slept for two
days straight.”
*********************
“I suppose it was strange good
for a time,” Heyes admitted. Just
worrying whether I was hungry, if I wanted to do something, but that can be
dark night lonely too. I think the
thing I missed most about Jed was not having someone intelligent to talk
to. People don’t realize how clever he
is. He’s got this practical, common
sense approach to problems and solutions that I envy. And he knows how to listen, doesn’t jump down your throat and
call you crazy, might think it, but he lets you get it out and then has this
casual way of just off handedly pointing out exactly what you are missing.”
*****************
“Miss about Heyes? I guess the only way to explain it is that
with Heyes, every day is never the same.
Ya know how people go on about life being all day to day and ordinary,
never is with Heyes. Life may have
kicked him in the teeth a few times, but he was always willing to give it a run
for its money and if you were lucky enough to go along for the ride….whoa, what
a ride!”
******************************************
The two outlaws entered the room from different doors
each surprised to see the other and warily glanced me.
“Ah I see you want to hear the last bit with both of
us in the same room,’ Heyes said smiling and looked at his partner who had
guessed the same thing.
Silently an entire conversation went on between them
as they made up their minds.
“Might be interesting,” Kid said with a wicked grin
that his cousin matched with a poker face innocent one.
“Christmas?”
Heyes repeated as they both took their seats. “I was in Denver. I was
riding with Big Jim Santana then and the Devil’s Hole Gang. Wanted for a whole $100 I was. We had just robbed a bank in Cheyenne and I
had taken my share and headed off to Denver to find me clean sheets and a
little company,” he stretched back and smiled smugly. “Spent Christmas in the lap of luxury I did.”
Kid looked at him, “Uh huh.” And he waited.
Heyes finally frowned at him, “And I was miserable as
hell. Everyone around me was there for
my money or how they could make money off me.
Know where I had Christmas dinner?
In my room because I just couldn’t stand one more restaurant. What about you, you were what ranching? Least that must have felt like family.”
Kid looked embarressed, “Wasn’t exactly ranching.”
Heyes looked interested and Kid sighed heavily, “It
was more like being a hired gun in a range war.”
Heyes stared at him and blinked in surprise, “But you
were down New Mexico…” He froze
remembering. “It was Lincoln County,
I remember reading about it, cause its in all the papers again. It was a man named….”
“Murphy,” Kid said quietly.
“And he hired a bunch of guns to drive a family out,
was just beginning to take over the territory.
And one of the guns turned on him, saved the family…that was you?”
Kid leaned back and closed his eyes as if fighting a
very bad memory.
“Yea it was me.”
“Kid they said you were outnumbered 10 to one all
hired killers,” Heyes said as if explaining it to him would make him say it
hadn’t really happened.
“15, but I locked 5 in the ice house.”
“What ever possessed you to get mixed up with a bunch
of stone crazed killers like that!”
Heyes said angry now. “You could
have got yourself killed! And hiring
out as a gun? When have you ever….”
He stopped his partner was looking at him and the grin
was turning into a laugh.
“Heyes that was nearly 15 years ago aren’t you getting
a little worked up?”
“My cousin nearly gets himself killed in one of the
bloodiest range wars in history and your telling me to calm down? Were you crazy?”
“No!” Kid said
yelling himself now. It was clear he
wasn’t proud of the story. “I was just
desperate and lonely and quite frankly I didn’t give a damn if you want the
truth. It was Christmas and I was
miserable, I’d had to outdraw a man who tried to rob me of my last dollar and
one of Murphy’s men saw, offered me a job.
I really thought I was going to be protecting cattle, I should have
known what they were offering had to
involve more but I was 15 and plain stupid all right?”
Heyes eyes softened, “I ain’t judging you Kid.”
“You got ever right too, I was an idiot and when I
found out what I was in the middle of I realized I had to clear out. You should have seen the people and the way
they would react when we would come down the street, they were afraid and it
made me sick. I ain’t never had people
react to me like that Heyes, not even when we were the most infamous. I remember this little kid fell and I went
to help him up and his mother screamed and hugged him to her afraid of what I
was going to do. I knew then I had to
get out. But then I heard about the
farm we were gonna raze the next day and I
couldn’t leave without helping
those people. It was too much
like…” His voice trailed off.
“So you took them all on?” Heyes said and his voice
was tinged with fear and disbelief and pride.
“Well I had the advantage of surprise and the farmer
had his whole family helping though it was mostly women and children.”
“Kid you were 15, you were children.”
“Got them spooked enough they gave up and then I went
and told the sheriff everything. He
couldn’t do nothing, but I was able to get the family clear and safe.”
“You’re the one who Texas Lane called out,” Heyes said
suddenly sick to his stomach. “They
said the kid who helped those people was called out by Texas and he met him in
the street. Aw Kid, he’d killed 26
men!”
“He was quick, but I was just a little bit
quicker,” Kid said softly. “I just rode out when he went down, heard he
lived but his gun arm was busted forever.”
They both got quiet each considering how things might
have changed how that meeting together might never had happened.
“Why didn’t you tell me this when you met back up with
me?” Heyes said hurt.
“Heyes do you remember what you were doing when I saw
you again?”
Heyes considered this and a sheepish smile crept up on
his face, “Oh yea.”
“Oh yea!” Kid
grinned. “He was robbing a bank. The bank I was standing in, little place
down in Colorado. I’m just standing
there waiting for change and who walks in to rob it but my cousin.”
“Well I didn’t know you were gonna be there,” Heyes
said uncomfortable with the image it brought back. “Why were you there?”
It was Kid’s turn to look uncomfortable.
“You were looking for me!” Heyes said realization
hitting and the concept delighted him.
“You said you would never be back and you were looking for me!”
“Are you through?” Kid said irritably “Yea I was
looking for you.” He shifted and Heyes
grinned waiting, knowing there was more and finally Kid sighed, “It was your birthday.”
Heyes stared at him, “What?”
Kid rolled his eyes and said a little louder, “It was
your birthday, all right? We ain’t
never been a part on our birthdays and well I thought maybe I ought to try and
look you up.”
The two went silent again embarressed but in a pleased
funny sort of way.
“Fine way to treat me though took my last 6
dollars,” Kid finally grumbled.
“I gave it back,” Heyes pointed out. “Even risked my neck coming back into town
to do it.”
Kid nodded thoughtfully, “Oh yea you gave it
back. I remember coming into my hotel
room and there you were, boots off, feet up smoking my cigar looking like you’d
never left.”
“And you drew a gun on me!”
“How was I suppose to know it was you?”
“That cigar was my birthday present wasn’t’ it?” Heyes
grinned
“Don’t push it Heyes.”
“It was,” he said happy he had guessed and then
frowned, “If you came all that way to
see me why did you start a fight?”
“I started the fight?! The first thing you said to me was , Jed how long you gonna waste
your life as a loser?”
Heyes frowned, “I said that?”
“Yea you said that.”
“Is that when you hit me?”
“No that was after you threw my six bucks down and
pulled out a wad of money and added a hundred bucks to it for old times sake.”
Heyes winced
“I was really obnoxious then.”
“Then?
Heyes glared at him. “After he hit me I went down to
the bar. I should have left. I was suppose to meet up with the gang and
get back to Devil’s Hole. Jim had been
real annoyed my not going with them. But
I was so excited at seeing Kid, I had gone back to see if I could talk him into
joining up. I didn’t realize how much I
missed how annoying he could be until he handed me his six dollars and asked
did I want the little old ladies jewelry too.”
He frowned. “It was never my
idea to rob the customers ya know, we never did that when I was in charge of
the gang.”
Kid laughed, “Getting a little sensitive there Heyes?”
Heyes opened his mouth to say something and then found
a smile forming, “Maybe, I do know I was feeling pretty awful between what you
said and what I’d said and how hard you hit me. I had real bad feeling if I left there we wouldn’t get another
chance to meet up again and make things right.
So I went to the bar, ordered a drink and stared at it feeling sorry for
myself and hoping you’d come in so we could fight some more.” He paused and asked almost urgently. “What was it Kid? What made you come down?”
Kid sighed thoughtfully, “I’d watched you enter the
saloon from the window.”
“I know, I wanted you watch me.”
They both grinned.
“Dang we were kids still playing who would give in
first,” Kid said. “And I want you to
know I had no intention to be the first one to give in again. I had come looking for you and I had done my
bit. If you wanted to be a pigheaded,
mule that was not my problem. And I
wasn’t sitting by that window watching because I was afraid you would leave and
we weren’t gonna get a chance to fix this.
I was sitting there because I liked the view.”
“Of course you were,” Heyes nodded solemnly. “I remember that window, it was a good
view.”
They looked at
each other finally and burst out laughing.
“So why? You
were right I was too pig headed stubborn, you knew I never would, what made you
come in and then proceed to save my life,” Heyes said. “By the way I ever thank you for that?”
“No.”
“Thank you.”
“Your welcome.”
“I saw that bunch go in after you, they looked like
trouble, but it was something else, that cigar you had smoked, it reminded me
of Grandpa Curry. Remember him sitting
on the porch with our pa’s, us at their feet just listening and wanting to be a
part of being with the ‘men folk? It
all came back to me, all I had lost and now I was about to let the only part I had
left leave. I couldn’t let that happen,
not without a fight. So I buckled on my
gun and came after you to knock some sense in your thick skull.”
“And walked right into me facing down four men,” Heyes
groaned remembering. “And you know what
amazed me? You didn’t even flinch, just
pulled off your glove and walked over to stand beside me. I had never been so glad to see you in my
life. You realize I would have been
dead if you hadn’t of come through those doors?”
“I don’t know I still think your silver tongue could
have got you out of it.”
“Kid there were four of them and they all wanted to
draw on me. And then you just walk up and casually point out the odds are bit
lopsided and you were there to even them up.
Even then I thought we were dead, I had no idea you had gotten that
experienced. But then you outdrew all
four, hell you outdrew me!”
“Remember what we did next?” Kid grinned.
“You mean after we beat the tar out of them?” he
grinned back. “Sure do. We got a pot of coffee and went up to your
room and talked, must of talked clear into the night, not about anything
important or necessary, just about what had been or might be, how green those
four cowhands had got when you drew.”
They both laughed like little boys remembering a
prank. “And they did go green,” Kid
agreed. “And in the morning you bought
me breakfast and we kept ordering coffee cause neither one wanted to leave.”
“I had seven cups that morning,” Heyes said with a
long suffering sigh. “Oh I have a
silver tongue all right, I wanted you to come with me and I couldn’t find the
right words to make you do it.”
“And I was afraid you wouldn’t ask,” Kid said
ruefully.
“What made you do it Kid, why did you change your mind
and join the gang?”
“You didn’t change my mind Heyes. I was never against outlawing, it wasn’t that
I was more righteous than you, I liked easy money with no work as much as you
did. I think it was just because you
picked it and I was just trying so hard to be me without you so that meant I
couldn’t. Don’t’ go making me all noble
or a saint or something. I got the
same rush you did when we pulled down a train.”
“Thanks Kid, your lying, but thanks.”
“And the rest they say is history,” Heyes said suddenly jumping up as if this
was all the telling he could handle..
“Ya know I need a drink. I’m not
used to talking like this.”
“Yea you always did have a problem with that. But I could use one myself,” Kid said rising
with him. “Hey what about that little
cantina at the south end of town?”
“You mean the one with the….” Heyes grinned wicked and
his cousin laughed and slapped him on the back.
“That’s the one!”
“You remember the time…”
And they left, just
the two of them, the way it had always been, the way it was meant to be.
“If you
were going to die soon and had only one person you could talk to, who would you
talk to and what would you say and why are you waiting?”
-Stephen
Lewis