WITH ALL MY MIGHT

Drena Hills

'I remember my youth and the feeling that will never come back any more -

the feeling that I could last forever, outlast the sea, the earth and all men.

-

Joseph Conrad

1893

Kansas

He went to the undertaker straight from the train.

Even the grit and grime and the lure of fresh clothes and a bath at the hotel could not distract him. He had waited thirty years and now that he finally had the courage nothing was going to keep him from his mission.

The town had changed, but not in the way he had expected. He had thought seeing it with fresh eyes after all this time would deaden some of the raw emotion the street signs jarred in him, but it had not.

Gone were the smoldering ruins he had stared at with tear filled eyes that day they were driven out of town in the back of the wagon sent by the Home. All that had been left standing were the chimneys and he remembered the sad little camps of people outside them attempting to find normalcy in death and despair.

The town was prosperous now, they had built the college his mother had told him he would attend one day. He shook his head at the thought, ashamed of what she would think of his life could she see him now.

The receptionist at the undertaker was a wiry young man eager to serve who leapt up at his arrival and eagerly bid him to take a seat while he searched out the man in charge.

The name Curry tended to do that in a town called Lawrence.

****************************

I remember the train journey most. Bridget and I were so excited at the unexpected trip and Uncle Heyes, who enjoyed traveling in style, had booked a private car. Mostly he said so he could have some peace while his 10 year old 'niece and nephew' ran amok and get some work done while keeping us from falling off the train… or robbing it.

I had added the last bit and he had cast a dark eye on me, but I could see the twinkle behind the sternness. My father did not approve of such jokes, even though he had carefully sat us down when were 5 and explained about his and Uncles past. He had wanted us to understand and learn from his mistakes. I regret to say Bridget and I were only terribly impressed and instead of being ashamed more than once dropped our family name as a way of instilling fear in the heart of bullies.

You cannot understand how wonderful it was to have your father as the fastest gun in the west. He and uncle were legends and enough time had gone by that they were more admired than feared and we reaped the benefit of all their infamy.

Of course they had become successful business men by then and money and affluence helped, but they were also charming and kept the friends they made so that a steady stream of notables and no ones passed through our door each treated the same so that in time Bridg and I never thought twice about dining with Wyatt Earp or the President himself.

I gleamed a great deal of information on my father and uncle from his friends who enjoyed embarrassing them both by telling tales that made them cringe. Bridg collected the dime novels and I will never forget the day our dad found them under her mattress and yelled the house down. He threatened to burn them, but Uncle Heyes rescued them and whenever he watched us alone we would pull one out for him to read to us tucked up in bed. Uncle Heyes, however, told the best stories because they were always true and if they weren't, they should have been.

I think what I admired most about them was that they always stuck together in a quiet special way that didn't draw attention to itself. Its like even twenty years removed from the trail, they watched each other's back and were there for each other.

Which was why the fight had been so spectacular.

Not that dad and uncle didn't fight, Lord did they know how to yell, Bridge and I would crawl out of bed and sit on the landing and listen and watch fascinated. We were never afraid even when they threatened to flatten each other, because we always just knew, it was their way of working things out.

But this argument had been different. It had started at dinner with dad saying he was going to a place called Lawrence to see a monument. Uncle Heyes had gotten very angry and stormed away from the table yelling about letting the past rest.

I asked dad about it and he said his parents and Heyes's had died in a very tragic fight a long time ago and the town where it had happened was going to put a monument up to those people. It seemed a lot of folks were moving the graves to be around it and he wanted to do the same with his family so they had a decent burial

I knew about dead and burials. Uncle Lom had died about a year earlier and Trev and his mom had been real sad, so had everyone at the cemetery. I asked my dad would he be sad and he said it was a long time ago so not too sad.

Bridg had got up and hugged him and told him he never could die because she would be very sad and he promised he wouldn't for a very long time. I knew he was telling the truth because my dad was Kid Curry and no bad people could out shoot him.

We had begged to go, but he had said no, he was just going to see the job done and would come right home and promised us presents.

He had wanted Uncle Heyes to come, but he had said no and then they didn’t talk all the way to the train station. It made me sad, because it made them sad not to talk.

I remember we got home and the house was so quiet. We were staying in Denver then, always did in the fall and I realized it was my father's energy I missed striding through the house. My father was a man of action and things were always happening when he was around.

Uncle Heyes thought more, he did most of his work he said in his head and then he moved. So it all felt rather quiet and because of the fight, wrong.

We finally peeked in on him and saw him looking at an old watch and Bridg swears he had a tear on his cheek, but I knew Uncle Heyes never cried. But she thought he was and she ran up and hugged him like she would never let go and he picked her up and hugged her back the same way.

And then she did the funniest thing she asked him if his dad hugged him the same way and Uncle Heyes sat her down on his lap and then pulled me up and he started to tell us about his dad and mom.

He said his mother was just like Bridget with Curry blue eyes and dark curls, while his dad looked like him. He said his father had been a soldier and his mom born in Ireland and they had met over the

'Troubles' and had come to America. It was a very exciting tale and when he was done I felt like I knew them and I told him that.

He looked at me for a long moment and said, "No Shaun you don’t but you should." And then suddenly he came to life and told us to go pack our bags and began shouting orders and giving out instructions and 40 minutes later we were on our way to Kansas.

And the odd thing was he had Mrs. Bryant, our nanny, stay behind saying this was a family outing. But Bridget held his hand very tight all the way to the train because she was afraid he would change his mind.

****************************

I remember we were sitting in the lobby waiting for Uncle Heyes to register when my dad walked in. For the most part I always associated my father with well cut suits and fine silk shirts, but this man I had only seen on occasion when he had come in just after a case to console me from a bad dream or I had been up and seen him wearily climb the stairs from some adventure with Uncle Heyes.

He wore dark jeans and boots, his vest leather, the shirt white, his familiar brown hat with the conches that hung on the hall hat rack with Uncle Heyes, on his head. But it was his gun that amazed me. It was slung low around his hips and he wore it as naturally as does any deadly creature assured of its supreme ability.

This was Kid Curry. This was the legend my sister and I had heard tales of. I glanced back to look at Uncle Heyes’s proper black suit reassured because for an instance this man was a stranger to me.

And then he saw us.

I thought for sure he would be mad, but instead his face just broke into that smile, the special smile Bridget called it, and he let out a whoop and scooped us both up in a hug like only he could do and everything was all right again.

After a moment he looked over to Heyes who stood waiting with that butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth look that Aunt Clem always complained about. Bridg, now with her arms around dad’s neck whispered not to get mad at Uncle Heyes as he had been worried about him and let us come and he had let us have spaghetti for breakfast.

“So Uncle Heyes spoiled you as usual,” my father said setting us down.

I looked around the posh lobby of the hotel and wondered if they were going to fight. This could be fun I decided and Bridg and I pulled up comfortable chairs to watch.

“They’re my niece and nephew I’m suppose to spoil them,’ Heyes said calmly and then added softly noting his appearance. “Everything all right?”

With a sigh we decided there wasn’t going to be a fight when my father nodded and gave him that look that said they needed to talk. Uncle Silky said my dad and Uncle Heyes could talk more without saying a word than any two men alive.

So we were shown to our suite, the biggest and best the hotel had and promptly fell asleep on Uncle Heyes’s bed content in the knowledge all was well.

******************************

“So you came after all,” Kid said quietly from the chair farthest from the window.

Heyes looked up from his surveillance of Massachusetts Street. Some things never changed, they always took the room over the street.

“You look like your dressed for a fight,” Heyes said quietly.

Kid suddenly looked twenty years younger and leaned back showing the vulnerable side few people had ever seen. “I was going out to the farm, I don’t know maybe I thought if I went out as Kid Curry it might change something.” It sounded silly even to him, but he said it without embarrassment knowing the man he had grown up with was the only one who would understand.

Heyes nodded, “Their. graves have they?”

“Yea, I saw to it yesterday. Still need to pick out the markers,” he sounded a little lost. “I went, but I couldn’t decide… Ya know Heyes when I stepped out on that street I felt like a child all over again. And I remembered how when we'd try to do something impossible you'd say 'Close your eyes Jed and try with all your might.' Well Heyes I'm trying with all my might, but I don't think I can do this alone.”

Heyes put a hand on his shoulder, “I’ll go with you, we’ll decide together. Look Kid, I’m sorry I should have gone with you from the start, you were right, they deserve to be at rest proper."

"No, no I realized my mistake the minute I got back here. The past is dead Heyes and no matter how big a grave marker I buy I can't change it. Its just that Lom's passing, it got me scared about Bridget and Shaun, what kind of family they have, what kind of father I am."

He sounded so despondent that Heyes took a moment sorting through the right words.

"Kid those children of yours are doing just fine. They are smarter than you and better looking than me and they have good heads on their shoulders."

"Despite their father."

"Because of their father," Heyes said firmly. "It's funny Bridg asked me about my parents and it got me thinking, not right us keeping them from knowing them, about knowing how we grew up, Grandpa Curry, the farm. Those were good days Kid and they are part of who we are and should be part of who they are."

"Thanks Heyes, I don't know how I would have managed raising them this far without your help."

"Yea without me you'd be leaving out all the important things like never drawing to an inside straight."

****************************

When we got up from our sleep my dad announced we were all going out to the farm where he had lived as a little boy. Bridg and I got all excited over this and when we stepped outside the hotel we found Uncle Heyes waiting with four horses.

He had changed too and looked as dangerous as my dad in those tall black boots and that hat with the silver markings. But they seemed right standing together there and I was proud to ride down the street with them and pretended I was a member of the Devil's Hole Gang and we were riding into town to hit the bank. Bridg guessed and giggled when I glared at it as we went by checking it out. Uncle Heyes caught it too and whispered about taking it at night from the roof.

My dad gave us both a suspicious look, but we all sat upright and smiled back at him innocently like Uncle Heyes had taught us.

****************************

"Remember how we used to race along this road," Heyes laughed as they cleared the town, and the fields took over the horizon.

"I don't think our plough horses ever raced anywhere Heyes," Kid said dryly.

"Dad did you play in that river?" Bridget asked drinking it all in.

"Played, sailed, swam and once nearly drowned in it thanks to your Uncle here," Kid said ruefully. "Catapult across the river, where did you get those ideas from?" And then turned and gave his son a look as he looked up interested. "Don't even think about it."

"It should have worked," Heyes said thoughtfully. "I think you flailed around too much after we fired you."

"You two must have been terrible little boys," Bridget said in mock horror.

"He was," the both said in unison pointing at the other and then stopped.

The farmhouse had come into view, all that remained of that day. Friends had preserved it and on their passing Kid had quietly seen to its upkeep.

"It's so little," Bridget said cocking her head. "But I like it. Where was your house Uncle Heyes?"

"Over that hill, we could make it there in 17 minutes flat running," Kid grinned.

"I made it in 16, he was little," Heyes whispered so Kid could hear.

"You never made it in 16, that watch of Grandpa's was broke," Kid said helping his daughter down.

"Look at all the sunflowers!" Bridget said happily running to pick them.

"My mom liked them," Kid said softly smiling. "Not many flowers survived, but she said she would always have those."

"Remember the time she caught you shooting them with that sling shot of yours?" Heyes grinned as Kid stepped up on the porch.

"And you told her I was shooting the bugs off them," Kid laughed and then stopped staring at the door. "Seems kinda strange standing here with my own children."

"Your mom always said you would," Heyes smiled understanding and opening the door for him.

"Oh it's wonderful!" Bridget said going in and staring around the sparsely furnished cabin in delight. "Is this where your mother cooked! I would so have loved to meet her! What was your favorite thing?"

Both men had to pause for a moment and regain their composure as she climbed up on the stool in the kitchen and smiled out at them.

Heyes recovered first. "Your grandmother was fairy sunshine, all golden and good. The kindest soul I ever knew. She looked just like your dad, but on her it worked."

"Blueberry pie," Kid said coming over to her and hugging her. "I would sit here and help her."

"And eat most of the blueberries," Heyes added.

"And my sister Rachel would scold me for being in the way," he smiled.

"Was she pretty?"

"Rachel? Yea I guess she was, for a big sister," Kid said and looked away.

"Bridg look at this!" Shaun called excited from the top of the ladder leading to the loft. "This is great! Can we sleep here?"

The two men burst into laughter.

"Your dad and I spent many a night up there planning," Heyes grinned.

"Or being punished after we did," Kid laughed.

"Your father never understood sending us up there alone wasn't a bad thing," Heyes said thoughtfully. "Or maybe he did."

"What was my granddad like?" Bridg asked as they all made the climb to the loft.

"Well he was brother to Uncle Heyes' mom and they were a lot alike," Kid said thinking back.

"He always listened, my uncle did," Heyes said suddenly. "He always had time for me. Had the most wonderful Irish temper and he used to sing in the fields…badly! And he was brave and strong and never backed down from a fight, his own or someone else in need." He smiled. "I guess your dad turned out a lot like him."

"Except for the temper part," Kid said deadpanned. "And what was that for miss?" he said grabbing his daughter who rolled her eyes at the very idea and caused her to giggle.

"What's this?" Shaun suddenly said in awe standing on the bed and spying a box tucked up hidden in the rafter.

"My treasure box!" Kid said in delight and standing brought it down to them.

"Wow!" Shaun said wide-eyed opening it and pulling out the faded papers, marbles, souvenirs and the dreaded sling shot. "Can I have this dad?"

"Guess it's all yours now," Kid smiled ruffling his hair.

"That marble was mine," Heyes pointed out.

"I won it fair and square," Kid said firmly.

"Daddy why did they kill them," Bridg suddenly said softly her eyes filling with tears. "Why did they take your mommy and daddy away and leave you and uncle Heyes all alone?"

The tears spilled out and Kid quickly pulled her into his lap and held her. He had been afraid of this, the realization of it all.

"Because people are evil Bridg, that's why daddy and Uncle Heyes help people, cause sometimes you aren't big or brave enough to stop them yourself," Shaun said quietly.

Heyes slipped an arm around him and the boy wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him for a very long time.

*****************************

"I can't believe daddy let us have pie and ice cream for dinner," Bridget said shaking her head that night as we sat outside the hotel swinging our feet back and forth watching people walk by. My dad and Uncle Heyes had gone off to the funeral man and had said we could stay there as long as promised not to move or get into trouble. My dad then threatened the hotel desk man that if anything happened to us he'd be facing Kid Curry in the street and he was out there every few minutes assuring himself we were staying put.

And we would of if those men hadn't come.

There were four of them and they smelt of alcohol and Bridg said they scared her with their dirty clothes and guns tied down at their sides. It was funny not many people wore it like that anymore and while on my dad and Uncle Heyes it seemed right on these men it felt scary and wrong.

"You say he's staying there?" the younger one asked wetting his lips excited.

"Yup Kid Curry himself," his friend grinned. "Imagine a legend in town, think you can take him Joey?"

"Must be an old man by now, doubt he's anywhere near as fast as they claim anyway," Joey said grinning.

"Hooowheeee you kill Kid Curry you gonna be a legend yourself Joey!"

"Yea then I'll take out that smart aleck partner of his, Hannibal Heyes, genius, well we'll see about that."

"You gonna call him out proper?" the little man asked excited.

Joey suddenly looked a little nervous. "Might, or might just wait till he walks by, yell his name and see if he can fire back as quick as I can."

"You leave my dad alone!" Bridget said suddenly on her feet and running into the street to face the man.

"Well what we got here, sweet little thing, bit young for me darling!"

One of the men moved to touch Bridget's cheek and she shrunk back in horror and I was instantly at her side and pushed her behind me.

"You leave her alone," I said and dived at the man in a fury I did not know I had in me,

The man just laughed, but it took his friend to pull me off him and I could tell he was angry as they swatted me to the ground.

"Little whelp needs to be taught a lesson," Joey growled.

"You take one step closer and it will be your last."

I don't know where my dad had come from, but suddenly he were there as I looked up from the ground where I was laying with Bridget beside me trying to help.

"Joey, that's him! That's Kid Curry!" one of the men said.

The four took in the sight of my father standing there and I understood why they went as pale as they did. He looked so angry and as I watched he took off his glove. From the corner of my eye I saw Uncle Heyes reach us and sharply pulled us aside and turn back to face the men with my dad.

I was so scared I thought I would die. These bad men were going to kill them, just like they said. I was going to lose my family just like my dad had.

I heard Bridget saying, no, no, over and over again and I thought I was going to be sick.

"Those are my children mister, you just made a big mistake," my dad said quietly.

Uncle Heyes said later only a complete idiot would have drawn on Kid Curry and only a dumber one would have done it when he was that mad.

I swear I didn't even see the gun leap into his hand, it was just there and one by one he wounded each man as he went for his gun sending them down in the street holding their arms and howling in agony.

Dad said later he wounded them because he was taking no chances of them getting off a stray bullet to hit us. Uncle Heyes said he was just mad as hell.

And then my dad was scooping us up and hugging us and asking if we were all right while Uncle Heyes kicked their guns away and explained to them in a friendly voice how really stupid they were and accidently stepping on the man's wounded arm that had hit me.

The sheriff came and he was real funny, shaking my dad and Uncle Heyes' hands and acting like he knew them. Turns out he did, they had gone to school together and I heard him say he wished my dad had finished the job as they were bad uns and it would save the town money.

We were then hustled off to bed and told to get undressed and Uncle Heyes and my dad went into the next room and talked in low tones and I knew my dad was upset.

*********************************

"I never meant for them to see me do that Heyes. Dear God what is it about this town and dying. I swear when I saw him hit Shaun I almost killed them on the spot."

"Kid, it wasn't your fault…."

"Strapping on this gun was my fault Heyes now my kids have to live with that choice the rest of their lives. And you know why? Because I wasn't there to save my family that day, I've been trying to save them every day since because I failed them."

He stopped seeing me in the doorway, tears streaming down my face.

"I'm sorry daddy, I tried, I tried, they were going to kill you and I tried to stop them, but I couldn't. I failed daddy, they could have killed you."

The words just tumbled out in sobs and my dad and Heyes were instantly kneeling beside me trying to comfort me.

"Shaun, there was nothing you could have done," my dad said holding my shoulders. "You are a little boy and they were grown men. Nothing you could have done would have made any difference and you would have only gotten yourself killed…."

The words seemed to hang there and he looked over at Uncle Heyes as both of them suddenly got very pale and looked almost frightened. Then he hugged me and I heard Uncle Heyes whisper something about coming full circle.

"Daddy I'm glad you and Uncle Heyes strapped on those guns," Bridget said quietly from behind us. "Because you use them right, you stop the badness. I think you both are brave and wonderful and I have the best family in the whole world."

And with a hug a little girl healed the final wound.

**********************************

I thought the 'funeral' at the monument would be sad like Uncle Lom's had been, but instead Uncle Heyes said they were really having a wake. And he told us stories about him and my dad growing up and about their families the whole time and made us all laugh and saying good bye seemed more like saying hello.

We left right after that. My dad and Uncle Heyes once more in proper suits looking respectable and business like and not like outlaws at all.

It's been a great many years since that day, but sometimes when the world seems too dark or sad I wish with all might to someday be the outlaws they were.

Because sometimes that's all evil understands.